Gabriel, Gabe, Papito

A new school, a new town, and as my mom puts it… a new start. 

Who needs that shit? I certainly don’t. I’m not the one who decided that divorce was the best option and then ran away from everything and everyone I’ve ever known. 

Now we live here. In the middle of nowhere.   

I hate it. 

I hate everything about it. 

I’m such an outsider here. I thought places like this only existed in the movies. Small towns where everyone knows everyone and everyone’s business. Why did she choose this place? We don’t fit in here. 

“Go take a walk around town papito. You can’t stay in this house forever. School starts next week, go make some friends. Get some pizza at that place on that corner by the light,” she says. 

I don’t want to, but I know she’ll never leave me alone about it if I don’t. 

Walking alone here is so, so lonely, already. Everyone just stares at me like I’m make believe or something. Because of this, I just put my head down and try to disappear into myself hoping no one says anything to me. 

Walking into the pizza place, I see a lot of kids I think could be my age. And yeah, my mom was right sending me here to make friends, I suppose. But as soon as they see me, I regret listening to her. 

“Aye yo, it’s the new kid everybody. What’s up city boy?” Says this round kid in a plaid shirt, Timberland boots and jeans that are like two sizes too big. But why? It’s like 90 degrees outside. A total farm boy. 

He gets up and walks over to me as I place my order. “Shouldn’t you be having tacos for lunch instead, amigoooo?” 

I hear the other kids cracking up at his comment. 

I look at him and want to punch him in his pasty fat face but I’m outnumbered, I do my best to ignore him. He says some more ignorant shit but still I keep my mouth closed because I know if I respond in any way, things will get ugly real quick. And if I go home looking like I had a fight, my mom would be back here in two seconds looking for someone’s parents. 

No, I stay quiet and let the bully have his way with his words. 

Some dark haired guy in a three-piece-suit walks in and I notice the round kid gets a little nervous, but they don’t say anything to each other. 

I get my pizza, the kid walks away still laughing at himself, and I go to the table closest to the door to eat my food. 

The girl from behind the counter begins wiping down tables and when she gets near me, she asks if I’m okay. I just nod, get up, throw my trash out and leave. I can’t get out of here fast enough. 

I know that I can’t go home yet. I haven’t been outside long enough for my mom to be satisfied, so I find a small park that’s empty and sit under a tree as far away from everything as I can get. I’m surprised that tears start to fall as soon as I sit down. I’m crying. 

Why the fuck am I crying? 

Stupid, ignorant jerk. I’m not even Mexican. 

And at that very moment, I feel like such a loser and very very alone.       

********

“Hi Gabriel.”

Yeah, I’m the new kid, but walking down the hallways of this ass backwards school makes me feel as if I’ve been dropped in the middle of a neverending nightmare. There is not one person here who looks like me and I hate that too. Everyone knows my name and it’s driving me crazy. Why the fuck do they keep speaking to me every time they pass? 

“Gabriel, hi.”

“Hey Gabriel.”

I really do hate it here. 

I don’t even see their faces. Everyone who walks past me looks exactly the same and it only exaggerates how much of an outsider I am.  

The best thing I can do is just keep my head down and hope no one really tries to talk to me. 

********

Being stuck in this place sucks. 

Yeah, okay, my mom wanted to make a new start after she divorced my dad, so we moved. But why here of all places? Here in this middle of nowhere town. 

We moved to this small town where the parents, grandparents and great-grandparents grew up together. Where everything shuts down at like 7:00 pm and those two things alone make this place unbearable. 

We used to live in the city and I had access to everything. I could take the city bus with my friends back to school and watch the basketball or football games, I could easily go to the skate park, play pickup games or go to the movies if I wanted. 

Now. Here. There is nothing. 

There is nothing to do. 

Not one thing unless you’re like five years old. 

I’m not a baby, I don’t want to go to gymnastics or the stupid mommy and me music classes they have fliers everywhere for. There’s that pizza place a couple of blocks over and a corner store up the street though, but that’s basically it. 

********

Going to school here is hard, too. I don’t have anyone I really want to be friends with and that means that I pretty much just keep to myself. No eye contact seems to help…a little. Week after week, I just look down at the floor as I walk. I don’t want anyone to even think I want to have a conversation with them, so keeping my head down works. 

Damn, they really are all the same. Even the shoes they wear are exactly alike. Timberlands, Timberlands, Uggs, Uggs, Uggs, Timberlands. Everyone is so basic. Meanwhile, I don’t even own a pair of boots. Timberlands, Timberlands, black Chucks, Ug…    

Seeing the black Chuck Taylors catch me off guard and by the time I look up to see who it is, all I can see is the back of her, in all black. Nothing like the other girls here and seeing her now stops me in my tracks. 

I don’t want to be late to class, but I’m tempted to follow her, to see who she is, but I don’t. 

I get to class just as the bell rings and there’s another new kid. He’s not dressed in flannel or camouflage like the rest of the dudes at this school. He looks really cool. 

I look at what I’m wearing and think that I really need to step up my gear, too.

I take my seat and try not to look over at the new guy. I don’t want to seem like a weirdo. 

“Alright, alright settle down,” the teacher says as he writes ‘find a partner’ on the board. 

He turns around and announces, “You’re going to begin a project today, so pick a partner, grab your notes and sit with each other.” 

I don’t move. I don’t usually when we’re told to pick a partner and I’m almost always left on my own which allows me to work by myself. 

Not today though.

Today, it’s me and the new guy who’s left and the teacher just pairs us with each other. 

“Gabe, you’ll be working with… Jonathan.” He says checking his roster. “No working solo for you today.” 

Shocked, I look over at the other new kid and he’s already getting his stuff to come sit next to me.  

To my surprise, we get  along and he asks if he could eat lunch at my table and that’s it. I guess we’re going to be friends now. 

We have different schedules so we head off to our classes and will see each other at lunch. Cool. 

I almost forget about the new girl until I see her again at her locker. 

I stop as soon as I see her and can’t help but stare. 

She’s getting something out of her locker, so all I can see is the back of her. Then I hear, “oh my fucking God, what the hell are you staring at?” 

She shuts her locker, turns around, and gives me the most beautiful death stare I’ve ever seen.

I mean, I didn’t even know she knew I was standing here looking at her, but it was totally worth getting yelled at. She’s awesome. 

I don’t say anything in my defense, so she just huffs at me and walks off.

********  

In line for lunch, I grab my usual and head to my normal table off to the side away from everyone else and she’s there, already seated, eating. I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do. I look around to see if there’s someplace else for me to go instead, but there isn’t really, so I put my head down and sit at the corner of the table giving her as much space as I can. 

She doesn’t even look at me. Then I realize she’s drawing in a little sketch book. I try to sneak a peek but I don’t want her to see me and because of that, I don’t really get to see anything. Disappointed, I try to focus on my food, but I do take little looks at her without being too obvious when I can.  

The other new guy comes over, sits down and laughs. I look up at him and he nods his head in her direction, saying, “don’t be afraid of her, she’s not that tough.” 

We look up at each other at the same time and I almost fall off of the bench. She’s so pretty. She gives me a look, narrows her eyes at me then turns to look at the other new guy and says, “Fuck-off Jonathan, nobody asked you anything today.” 

He laughs even harder and nods his head in her direction again and says. “Little sisters, am I right?”